Our coordinator Anaclet invited me this past weekend to a very important family ceremony in Rwanda: the “dote” (dowry). One of his cousins/nieces/distant relatives (it’s never easy to tell how everyone is related) was being married to the young man of another family. 
This is not an arranged marriage (the couple chose each other freely), but Rwandan families still participate in a traditional ceremony to determine how much the groom’s family must pay (in cows) to the bride’s for the right to marry their daughter. More than being solely traditional, it’s also incredibly humorous.
The families sit under two separate tents, separated by an avenue of straw and grass. After the entrance of the heads of the family, the rest of the families take seats. The most important men then go about exchanging drinks (in this case Fanta and sparkling apple juice) and toast each other’s family. Then, the haggling begins in jest. The groom’s family complains that their son cannot sleep without the bride. The bride’s family suggests he go to a hospital. Then they propose that the groom’s family accepts a lesser daughter from their family (she is suitably embarrassed). The groom’s family then makes a low-ball offer (say 4 cows) and the bride’s family scoffs. There are lots of winding speeches and vociferous laughing.
Finally, the families agree that the pair should be married and send out a band of brothers to inspect the cows. It is entirely feasible that the groom’s family will try to pass off lesser cows. The brothers return and announce that a price of 8 cows has been agreed. Both sides are content and offer toasts of non-alcoholic champagne. Next comes the bride in fantastic traditional outfit. The couple sits in a tent with warriors from both families. As expected, the agaseke basket features prominently as the carrier of various gifts between the families. Of course, you can get one from Indego Africa for your family’s next special event on our website (CLICK HERE).
The real fun starts after the ceremony. After alcoholic beverages are distributed, each side begins to roast the other on mistakes that they made. For example, the groom’s family complains that the bride’s family clapped at the wrong times. The bride’s family shoots back: the groom’s family spent too much time greeting each other rather than getting seated. What follows is copious food and lots of curious musical selections (the Kinyarwanda versions of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” and, of course, Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called to Say I Love You”). The most striking feature of the whole ceremony is the amount of time everyone takes to greet each other. It is noisy, raucous, flamboyant and just incredibly welcoming.
I understand that I may be inspecting cows on behalf of Alexi’s family for his dote. As such, I’m trying to build an instinct for the rumpness of haunches. Any advice out there?
This is not an arranged marriage (the couple chose each other freely), but Rwandan families still participate in a traditional ceremony to determine how much the groom’s family must pay (in cows) to the bride’s for the right to marry their daughter. More than being solely traditional, it’s also incredibly humorous.The families sit under two separate tents, separated by an avenue of straw and grass. After the entrance of the heads of the family, the rest of the families take seats. The most important men then go about exchanging drinks (in this case Fanta and sparkling apple juice) and toast each other’s family. Then, the haggling begins in jest. The groom’s family complains that their son cannot sleep without the bride. The bride’s family suggests he go to a hospital. Then they propose that the groom’s family accepts a lesser daughter from their family (she is suitably embarrassed). The groom’s family then makes a low-ball offer (say 4 cows) and the bride’s family scoffs. There are lots of winding speeches and vociferous laughing.
Finally, the families agree that the pair should be married and send out a band of brothers to inspect the cows. It is entirely feasible that the groom’s family will try to pass off lesser cows. The brothers return and announce that a price of 8 cows has been agreed. Both sides are content and offer toasts of non-alcoholic champagne. Next comes the bride in fantastic traditional outfit. The couple sits in a tent with warriors from both families. As expected, the agaseke basket features prominently as the carrier of various gifts between the families. Of course, you can get one from Indego Africa for your family’s next special event on our website (CLICK HERE).The real fun starts after the ceremony. After alcoholic beverages are distributed, each side begins to roast the other on mistakes that they made. For example, the groom’s family complains that the bride’s family clapped at the wrong times. The bride’s family shoots back: the groom’s family spent too much time greeting each other rather than getting seated. What follows is copious food and lots of curious musical selections (the Kinyarwanda versions of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” and, of course, Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called to Say I Love You”). The most striking feature of the whole ceremony is the amount of time everyone takes to greet each other. It is noisy, raucous, flamboyant and just incredibly welcoming.
I understand that I may be inspecting cows on behalf of Alexi’s family for his dote. As such, I’m trying to build an instinct for the rumpness of haunches. Any advice out there?
2 comments:
What a great opportunity to participate in a very ancient tradition. A similar tradition was witnessed by the very earliest European travellers in Africa. Mungo Park in 1798 described a wedding ceremony in northern Nigeria amongst the Fulani where "the husband followed with a number of men leading four bullocks, whicdh they tied to the tent strings.." And David Livingstone in Zambia in the 1850s described wedding preparations where "so many head of cattle are given to the parents of the girl to give her up, i.e. to forego all claim on her offspring, and allow an entire transference of her and her seed into another family. If nothing is given, the family from which she has come can claim the children."
Now I understand why Chez Venant does not have beef available on its menu.
i'm not sure what to look for in a bovine of the Rwanda type...uh, big milk and big horns?
Alexi was telling me about this ceremony. i'm excited that you might participate as an inspector. what an honour!
Tom, what? You don't like chicken?
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